Other than that, no idea. I don't know what to do. I re-joined the gym, and started aqua aerobic classes again. I am watching what I eat, and tracking my food on SparkPeople.com.
I want to get a tattoo, of the Hello Kitty with angel wings that was on the back of Emily's funeral program.
I have no motivation to do anything else. I got all my scrapbooking stuff out and sorted, I need to organize it and put it away so that I can scrapbook. But I am tired. Just tired.
How do you begin a new life? I want my girl. I am her mom. I hate the idea of going three more weeks without her. Three more months without her? The next three years without her? I don't want to meet any new people, ever ... people who will know me and never know Emily.
I am so lucky to have Alex and Jacob. Jacob is an amazing, tennis playing, saxaphone learning, 11 year old. Without him, I would have no desire to keep on keeping on. Thank heavens for Jacob.
I just want my girl back. I never wanted this. I never wanted to tell people that I am the mom to one on Earth and one in Heaven. I wanted everyone to meet and know my Princess, and see her amazing smile. I wanted to be her mom and caregiver and snuggle buddy forever. This is not what I had planned. :(
9 comments:
so sorry you have to go through this sara...we miss her smile...
i want to share this blog with you. her son passed away. he had EB. she lived the same life as you. http://randycourtneytripproth.blogspot.com/2012/05/that-cant-happen-fast-enough.html
Sara I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. Sending many prayers and hugs.
I'm so sorry, Sara. I don't have any words that will help, but I wanted you to know I'm reading, I care, and my heart hurts because you are hurting.
i have no words, but you guys have been in my thoughts :(
My heart breaks for you. If there was something I could do to lessen the pain, I would do it. I will continue to hope for peace and healing.
My heart hurts and my soul aches for you. As a mama who has lost a little one herself I can say that you do learn to live around and through the pain. You become stronger. And you become a voice. Find your voice again. The world needs us. Don't let death silence it. Then it wins. Rest and be still for now but you do have a purpose. A new one. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Amy Fields amyfields417@yahoo.com
Just found this blog.
Many prayers for you... There are no words I can say to help, but if I had them I would give them...
a stranger is praying for you tonight.
I'm so sad to read this. I have had your blog listed on my BLOOM blog, but hadn't visited recently and didn't realize what was happening.
There is another blogger I know who lost her daughter to a degenerative condition and writes a wonderful blog called Sunshine in a Blue Cup. She also lost her mother and sister, as well as her daughter, in a very short period of time.
She writes a lot about the grieving and healing process.
Her name is Diana Doyle and she is lovely:
http://sunshineinabluecup.blogspot.ca/
Hugs to you xo
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