This new stage of our lives is difficult. Trying to continue on with life, attempting to smile when all we want to do is cry. Figuring out the answer when people ask "How are you" or the even more dreaded "How many children do you have?" I've been asked that once so far, and my answer made the lady cry. What a sucky thing to have to explain to someone. What a sucky thing to have to live through.
We struggle on, daily, trying to continue with some semblance of normal. Jacob is turning 12 in a week and a half. He deserves parents who are able to continue living. I am so thankful for Jacob, for all the normal reasons, and then even more so because he gives me a reason to have to keep going.
Life is weird. Life is hard. Sometimes, life just plain sucks.
There are good, positive things going on even through these times of crap. Today was the last day of school. Jacob, who will be 12 next week, is officially a 7th grader now. Yay! He is doing so well. He continues to take tennis lessons, and will attend a tennis academy this summer. He also continues to play alto saxophone, and will be taking private lessons from his school band director this summer.
We are trying to keep busy, and stay occupied. It's not always easy. Some days I want to do nothing more than go to the cemetery, lay on the grass at Emily's site, and sob the entire day away. Other days I wake up, go to the gym for an hour or so, and feel better.
I just hope that at some point the good days will outweigh the bad days.